I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
