dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have fence marks all over my body
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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