I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
