also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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