drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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