Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
