Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
