Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
