i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
