Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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