he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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