i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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