i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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