just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
