I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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