i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
