its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
