Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
