Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
