spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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