I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
