Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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