too bad you live with your parents still
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
