My first STD was from a foam party
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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