Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
