someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
