Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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