Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
