do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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