John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
