actually, I'm a sock model
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
