apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
