he wants to bone in the snuggie
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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