he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
