im six kinds of drunk right now
well you can't waste a boner
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
