we have officially lost it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
