i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
