ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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