the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
