I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
