is your mom at the bar?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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