wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
