This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
