youre lurking in front of me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
