I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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