Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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