wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
