college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
