And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
