Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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