Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Screwed.edu
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
