this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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