if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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