oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
