My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
