That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
