Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
