You're so nebulous sometimes
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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