I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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