I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
