I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
