Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Fuck appropriateness.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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