the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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