Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
