U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
