Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Floor bacon is actually really good
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
