If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
tell me about the eggs
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
