I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
