good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
