It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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