but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
