Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
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If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
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