Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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