Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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