she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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