Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
