I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
