I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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