He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
