brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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