I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.