my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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