if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.