Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?