I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.